MUSIC BIZ SHUTS DOWN AFTER FED RAIDfiled in Music Business on Jan.20, 2011
Moses Avalon
The music business will be closing its doors to all new
production after Federal authorities pulled off a successful
roundup and arrest of over 100 top New York and New Jersey
“mobsters ” on Thursday, according to a Wall Street Journal story.
RIAA president, Carry Sherman told AP, “Since 75% of all funding
for new acts is the result of gangsters laundering money to keep
their tone-deaf girlfriends confined in a studio– where they can
always find them.
We feel that there is no real need to pretend any longer.
The money is gone.”
Candace Stewart, manager of East West, a prestigious recording
facility in Los Angeles told Moses Supposes this morning,
“We had cancellations today. The only people who showed up
for sessions were the union musicians.”After tumbling CD sales
and torrential attacks by ISPs on music business revenues,
labels have slashed budgets for recordings and now with this
new development, many studios have decided to just close
their doors.
Meanwhile, in other news CEOs of several major labels voted
to give themselves a pay increase after they were successful
in cutting label costs last year– by firing half their staff.
TAKE NOTE: All quotes above are fake. This joke-story
would be a little less funny if it were not probably true.
All facts are made up except the part about the Federal raid.
Read more about that here.
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